Memphis Chokes on a Fat Dick

Great job Memphis. How did you blow that game? Oh yeah... free throws. What happened Johnny? "We'll make them when we need to". My ass. You choked on the biggest stage because of your shitty free throw shooting. Also, why did you tell your team to foul with 45+ seconds left in a one-possession game? You fucking twat. You and your thugs blew the game. I have to give Kansas some props though. They were resilient and tough. Chalmers' 3 to force overtime was one for the ages. Once Dorsey was out in overtime, Kansas took control. Does anyone know if Memphis still exists? I thought that the riots would be aplenty. I'll look out for the smell of burning trash wafting up from the south tomorrow. If I smell it, Memphis has burned. There's really no unique commentary from me about the game. Derrick Rose is a beast. Kansas seems like they went somewhat under the radar this season (Is that even possible for a 3-loss team?). They lack a superstar per say (No, Brandon Rush is not a superstar), but it is a team game and they have a damn good team. Billy Packer is a damn idiot. He realized that Kansas went into some type of zone 4 possessions after they switched to a box-and-one on Douglas-Roberts (Why can't you just choose a fucking name? Why do you need 2 last names you dick?). 2 possessions later he finally figured out that it was a box-and-one. Yes Billy, that's what the mysterious defense is in which 4 players play some sort of intricate zone and the 5th follows an opposing player around. What a rambling idiot. Someone take this ACC-biased idiot off the air. Put Gus Johnson on all the big games. Congrats to Kansas and congrats to me for picking the national champion this year. Memphis - you get nothing. You suck dick and I'm glad you lost. Peace. 

2nd Sweet Sixteen Update

Oh how the mighty have fallen: me, Wisconsin, and Michigan State. I was .500 tonight as I picked Wisconsin and Michigan State to beat Davidson and Memphis respectively. I couldn't have been more wrong. The mix breed Stephon Curry poured in 33 points against the Badgers. This kid is legit. Granted, I didn't watch much any of the games tonight, but I know that the Badgers and the Spartans both got analized. Silly me. I should've known that those slow Big 10 teams wouldn't be able to pull it off. I did get the Kansas and Texas games right though. They too plowed through the butt-holes of Villanova and Stanford respectively. In other news, The Rapist scored 53 points, but the Lakers still lost to the Grizzlies. How fucking sad is that? The Grizzlies: quite possibly the worst team in the NBA behind the Heat. This comes just days after losing to another stacked team: The Bobcats. I hope the bandwagon Lakers fans and pro-rape advocates are happy. Your team sucks. I'm tired so I'm going to bed. 

Sweet 16 Quick Picks (March 28th)

Wisconsin vs. Davidson - Stephon Curry and Davidson's Cinderella run ends here due to Michael Flowers and Wisconsin's suffocating defense. Bo Ryan is also an excellent coach. Wisconsin wins.

Stanford vs. Texas - Stanford's twin towers of Brooks and Robin Lopez are good, but Texas' talented and young squad will be too much for the young Mexicans. Stanford needed a game-winning circus shot from one of the Mexies to beat an average Marquette team. They are not that good. Look for D.J. Augustin, and maybe A.J. Abrams, to get hot. Damion James adds an athletic post presence for the Horns. The last and best reason why Stanford will lose is because they are called the Cardinal and their mascot is a tree. How gay. 

Kansas vs. Villanova - Kansas wins because they are good and Villanova is mediocre. Kansas has been hot lately and they have been almost as impressive as UNC. Villanova got lucky by drawing a terrible 5 seed in Clemson and then a 13 seed in Siena. The luck ends tonight... like it did for former Nova star Allan Ray when he got his eye poked out:

Memphis vs. Michigan State - Memphis is very talented and athletic, but they seem to have been squeaking by teams lately. On the other hand, Michigan State has under-achieved this year as well. Memphis is straight thuggin' with their dirty ass coach John Calipari and girlfriend-beater Robert Dozier. Everyone knows that Tom Izzo is an excellent coach. If Drew Neitzel gets hot, Michigan State could win this game. It will be close. I'm going with Michigan State in the upset special!

Note the girl with the black eye and the "I date Dozier shirt". So funny, yet so true. Also, not the "We Beat Mempis Not Our Girls". It's a great sign for many reasons: 

1. The joke... it's fucking funny. 

2. The fucktard who made the sign can't even spell Memphis. How stupid can you be? Upon further research, it appears as though UAB accepts anyone who can spell their name (Only your name, not Memphis). The minimum admission requirements are a 20 on the ACT and a 950 on the SAT. Yes, yes, that is borderline retarded. That explains the sign.

3. UAB didn't beat Memphis... they lost. 

4 for 4.

I picked all four games correctly last night. The thugs in orange just couldn't pull it off. Again, I called it. Chris the Cougar choked on a fat one. 3 for 15 from the field. Great job Cougar. No surprise there. It was a great run for the prison suit boys. Off-season will be interesting in Knoxville. I put the Vegas over and under line for UT arrests at 5. 8 for the number of times Bruce Pearl touches a girl against her will. Congratulations to me. Call me Mr. March Madness.

Sweet 16 Update

So far I'm 2 for 2. Not surprising. UNC's homecourt advantage was extremely unfair yet again and they raped Wazzou. As for Xavier: did I call it or what? Joe the rat choked. All he had to do was make a free throw to practically seal the deal. 2nd in the Big East in free throws? Not so much rat. Instead of making the free throw and winning the game, West Virginia lost and Joe the rat was forced to the bench. He could be seen throughout overtime mumbling to himself like he wanted some cheddar cheese. Xavier baby. Xavier. 

Sweet 16 Quick Picks (March 27)

Tennessee vs. Louisville: David Padgett is too much for UT's lack of an inside game. Chris the Cougar Lofton is injured and chokes on a fat one. Louisville wins this one and Bruce Pearl molests a reporter after the game again (watch the video below).

Xavier vs. West Virginia: Xavier wins because of their back court play, Drew Lavender, the fact that Joe Alexander is a rat, and because I picked them to the Final Four.

North Carolina vs. Washington State: Wazzou goes down to the Tarheels in this one. UNC has been steamrolling opponents and they yet again have home court advantage. UNC looks like a legit title contender.

UCLA vs. Western Kentucky: Western Kentucky has made a great run, but it ends here. Why? They are a 12 seed and they are playing a one seed. UCLA hasn't been playing great ball, but when you can play as bad as they did against Texas A&M and still win, you're pretty damn good. Kevin Love dominates in this one and UCLA wins (it might be a close one though).